CryptoHarmony is a funny assistance and rehab service for crypto hodlers and traders created by AAVE, formerly ETHLend.
The goal is to bring harmony into the lives of hodlers, that is, those who acquire cryptocurrencies to keep them at all costs, without ever spending them.
It is a rehabilitation centre for “crypto addicts” which should enable them to regain control of their lives and investments through a 12-step programme. CryptoHarmony promises that, after completing the program, the mind of the hodler will finally be free to use cryptocurrency as a means of payment.
The 12 stages of the crypto rehab are:
- Admit you have no control over yourself;
- Give a name and a shape to your addiction and talk to it;
- List the negative sides of the addiction and start to externalize your feelings;
- Get out of trading groups (probably also some of your favourite Telegram groups);
- Make amends with all the people that tried to help you with your addiction;
- Accept that you are not going to HODL anymore;
- Start to help other people with their recovery;
- Get rid of all of the apps installed on your phone (we know they are all crypto related;
- Install Aave Pay;
- Compile a shopping list;
- Token Burning Ceremony: absolve yourself of shitcoins before spending;
- Spend your cryptocurrencies, feel the freedom.
The website also includes a questionnaire with six questions that are intended to diagnose the severity of your addiction and thus opt for a crypto rehab.
This is obviously all a joke, but it is used to promote the app Aave Pay, which allows making payments in cryptocurrencies (Bitcoin, Ethereum, Litecoin, Bitcoin Cash, Ripple, Cardano, Stellar Lumens, Tether, KuCoin Shares, Binance Coin, DAI and LEND).
This can be clearly understood at the bottom of the page, where there are data on the results that would have been achieved through this program: 5,000 people helped who would have been able to spend $2 million, with 105.3% success rate.
Moreover, there is a weird quote from Satoshi Nakamoto’s 2008 whitepaper, which in reality is fake, saying:
“I’m building this technology for people to spend (not hold) digital value, in a peer to peer trustless system”.
However, beyond the joke, some aspects that are highlighted on the website are not so far from reality. Especially the six questions in the questionnaire do not seem to be airborne at all. Some crypto-addicts may actually exist.
